Colorado – Making Life Happen

The 5 Truths of A Working Mom

I had a professional career long before I met my husband. We met in my early 30’s and although I was over the moon to have found my soulmate, I realized that my time was limited to start a family that I had always dreamed about. Our courtship was a normal timeframe, but once he proposed, my mind went directly to having babies. It was probably within the first 3 months of our marriage when I pulled the “goalie” so to speak. I became pregnant in about 6 months and found out we were having… TWINS! Fraternal twins run in my family, on both my paternal and maternal side so it really shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it was.

Flash forward 10 months, the twins are born. I was lucky enough to have continued working throughout my pregnancy with little problems, but I was looking forward to then next 2 months of maternity leave to bond with my newborns in any and every way possible. Ah Motherhood! Little did I know that I would be so exhausted all the time, wearing vomit or feces when I left the house to make a zombie like grocery store run, etc. Mom’s who are reading this know EXACTLY what I mean, no need to further remind you. Perhaps for me, knowing I was going to return to the workforce meant I could return to what I knew, what I was good at, because as a new mother I questioned all my decisions and abilities. Before I knew it, I was trying to squeeze my post maternity body back into my professional clothes, maternity leave had ended. I had no idea I would feel so incredibly sad to return to my job, but I did. I cried every morning until I arrived at the office.

Since I had an established career prior to marrying my husband, I always knew I would continue my professional job after having children. My husband supported my career goals long before we were married and continued to support me after having the twins. The dual income was also required after purchasing our home just a few months before they were born. He offered me support and understanding during those times I was doubting that we made the right decision to return to work. His support and love were so important for me at that time, and reconfirmed that I was, indeed, making the right choice for our family. Many times, the right choice isn’t the easy choice.

This leads me to the 5 Truths of A Working Mom

Choosing a Partner

Choose a partner with great care, it is the biggest decision that you will ever make. Marry someone who understands how important your career goals are and supports you towards achieving them. I promise, there will be days when kids are home sick or have a doctor appointment and when that day comes it’s better to have a balanced parenting approach with your partner.

Letting go of the Guilt

Not everyone chooses to be a working mom outside of the home. Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, adding a professional career on top of it, quite frankly IS daunting. Missing school volunteer opportunities, not being able to attend school plays or award ceremonies wreaks havoc on your heart. If you are a mom working outside the home, odds are you have researched and interviewed many options for the BEST childcare available. Please know that you are setting an amazing example for your children’s future achievements, there is a Harvard study to support this data. Not to mention promoting early social interaction in your children as well as boosting their immune systems. These are all reasons for you to start letting go of the guilt.

Opinion’s

Everyone has an opinion. Not only does everyone have an opinion but they like to share their opinion with you and that can be hurtful if it doesn’t support or agree with your decision. I won’t say the cliché about how opinions are like…fill in the blank A _ _ holes…. and they usually stink! Know this and take it in stride. You are making the best decision for you and your family, end of story.

Make time for them and YOU

Having twins was truly double time! My husband was up and doing night feedings right by my side so we both felt the sleep deprivation equally. Once those zombie-like days were gone, I knew I needed to find time to spend with EACH child, separately. No easy task when time is truly priceless. When considering this “special time” it doesn’t have to require big planning. Perhaps taking one child on a walk around the corner or reading a book to them. The point is carving out quality time individually with each child. Putting them in the spotlight of your attention. That’s the ticket! The other, equally important person here is YOU. We, women, are pleasers, at least most moms are, and that can be draining. You need to make time for yourself too. Whether it is reading a book, taking a nap or doing a yoga class during your lunch hour. Whatever it is, fill your own cup. Otherwise you have nothing left to give to others.

You aren’t going to mess them up

Just as a loving home has never mess up a child working mom hasn’t either. They learn that even though you aren’t home ALL the time that you love them. They learn about commitments, discipline, dependability to name a few. You are setting a good example for them and that will help shape them into independent and strong adults. When your time is a commodity because you work, you make a more concerted effort to spend quality time with your kids whether its playing, eating dinner together, etc. These quality times are what really matters.

Pura Vida (pronounced poo duh vee duh). A word commonly used in Costa Rica to say hello, goodbye, cool, all is good. Simply translated, it means “Simple Life.” Costa Rica has been named one of the “happiest countries” in the world. Why? Because Costa Ricans or “Ticos” don’t stress about things the way most foreigners do. They are happy with what they have.

My life a year ago was far from Pura Vida. I can tell you that with all honesty. The word, stress comes to mind instead. Stress around my job, my marriage, my children (more on them later), our bills, kids growing up too quickly and missing out on their life, etc. My husband and I looked at each other one day and said blankly to each other, “What are we doing?”

It was about a year ago today when my husband started inserting the phrase “let’s move to Costa Rica” ever so casually entered our conversations. When I would start complaining about something to him, his response would be “this might not happen if we were living in Costa Rica.” When we were talking about virtually anything, somehow someway the idea of moving to Costa Rica was part of his response. After the first few dozen times, I quickly dismissed it or gave him a quick smile to show I heard him and then moved on in the conversation. It wasn’t until a few months later that I actually heard him, as if it was the first time, he mentioned it. Funny how the subconscious works.

I finally agreed to indulge his “fantasy” by agreeing to a vacation there, after all I had never even visited the country. I think he booked our flights before the words came out of my mouth!

It was a whirlwind vacation. We coordinated house/condo showings with a local realtor for 4 days of our trip. You can imagine how unenthusiastic my kids were to be dragged from condo to condo when all they wanted was to play on the beach. It was made up to them in abundance on the remaining days, trust me.

We left that vacation without making an offer on a place. I left that vacation knowing this was what I needed, what WE needed as a family. I returned home to Golden, CO and almost immediately started the decluttering/packing process. Now, up until this point in our lives, our house in Golden, CO had been our home for almost 10 years. Do you have any idea how much “stuff” one can pack into a 2800 square foot house? The answer is A LOT! That decluttering/packing process took well over 6 months. A long over due accomplishment I might add. Repeat after me, I will never pack rat (aka hoard) again, I will never pack rat (aka hoard) again.

During those 6 months of packing hell, we bought a condo in Costa Rica. A 1200 square foot condo! Small yes, but…. ON THE BEACH! YES! We decided on a move date in early summer and that was that. We were ALL IN! This was happening. Our new reality was just 4 months away!

Were there obstacles? Yes. Were we scared as hell? Yes. But this is what we all decided would be the plan, at least for 2 years.

Fast forward to our arrival in Playa Potrero, Costa Rica (Guanacaste region). Took a red eye here. ACK, I despise red eye flights. Our container, which included our car, wouldn’t arrive for another few weeks so we did a lot of walking. Walking to the Merkado (grocery store), walking to restaurants, etc. We found out there are a lot of ExPats (folks from USA and Canada) living here which made our transition a lot easier.

We made it. We were pinching ourselves daily to make sure it wasn’t a dream. Was everything perfect when we arrived? No way. But our new life was just beginning and what a long strange trip it had been to get here.

We are Making Life Happen!